Jewish Atheist

JITC: Why So Many Jews Are Willing To Let Go Of Their Heritage

Always fun to read articles from orthodox jews as to why many jews aren’t orthodox.

Tossed Torah: Why So Many Jews Are Willing To Let Go Of Their Heritage, by Jew In The City

…But there are other times in life when the same moniker can denote vastly different things. Take Judaism, for instance. For the majority of Jews out there, the word Judaism evokes images of boring Hebrew school classes, endless High Holiday services, and nagging mothers, and guilt. Aside from some good food and jokes, most Jews have very few positive associations with their heritage.

For a small number of Jews, however, Judaism means something completely different. It’s not only a way of life, but the meaning of life, a rigorous intellectual pursuit, a profound joy, and a force that connects them to their families as well as all other Jews throughout space and time.

…It was only because I knew what I was missing that I was able to go back and reclaim it. And herein lies the problem for most Jews in the world today. So few of us have ever had a deliciously positive, soul-surging, mind-satisfying experience with Judaism. And because so few of us have ever experienced it the way it was meant to be lived and learned and practiced, so many of us are willing to toss it away as quickly as a botched recipe.

If you’ve never experienced a Judaism worth relishing, go out there and find someone who has. Although creating those highs will admittedly require some effort, the recipe to get there is available to everyone…

In other words, it’s the ol’ “If only you experienced the real version - my version” argument.

1) This article does nothing for people like me, people who were religious, did experience how “wonderful” jewish life can be.

2) As someone who did experience it, I can tell you honestly that it’s not all that great. There are some nice parts, for sure, but plenty about it sucks. (e.g. ‘the boring classes, endless services, nagging mothers, and guilt.’ And that’s just the beginning!) Sure, we can all appreciate a nice meal with the family, or studying an interesting text, but most people don’t institutionalize such practices with rules like “no electricity” or declaring that studying such ancient texts is actually the main point of life. And for what it’s worth, I’m much more satisfied with my current life.

3) For many people, perhaps most, the issue isn’t whether or not the lifestyle can be enjoyable, but that it’s simply based on nonsense. Mormon culture also looks rewarding, but it also sounds fantastically fictional.

4) I find it amusing how much of JitC’s content is pure filler. Like this article, which is half about a salad.

I wonder how many orthodox jews wouldn’t toss their secular lives away if they could only experience it first.

Anonymous asked: Do you believe Judaism is as much of a culture as it is a religion, or strictly a religion? I love your blog by the way :)

Interesting question. Well, Judaism has a culture, which is the culture of the religion. I think it can often be distinct from Jewish culture in general. For instance, learning in yeshiva is part of the orthodox culture. So I guess it does have a culture but I’m not sure I’d personally say that “judaism is as much of a culture as it is a religion” bc I think the culture is dependent on the religion. In contrast, Jewish culture in general - our history, our writings, our foods - can stand on their own. But that’s just me. (I’m actually rather curious how others would answer this.) (thearcanetheory, thoughts?) Cheers! 

Anonymous asked: Have you ever been in love? Do you believe in the concept?

Yes and yes.

JAOAJ-Awkward Hugs - Part III

It continues.

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(Source: jaoraj, via jaoraj)

legally-bitchtastic asked: To the anon asking if you'd be happier if you were still Orthodox: just speaking for me, not really. However, I sometimes feel like my entire life would just be so much easier if I was the kind of girls I went to school with, a girl who wants to be Orthodox. The kinda girl who just sees Orthodoxy as the way they will live their life, instead of someone who looks at it and sees nothing but problematic ethos. Or if my ultimate happiness would come from marrying young and having a bunch of kids.

I feel ya on that one. I felt that way when I started to become irreligious. “If only I could ignore the problems! If only I was happier with the lifestyle! If only…” Now I’m super glad that I escaped and have less than zero desire to “return”.

Anonymous asked: Hi, do you ever think like you were happier when you were still Orthodox? It seems stupid but I have to admit I was kinda a happier person when I was still brainwashed and deluded. There's no way I would go back of course, but I feel like I was less depressed when I lived out of reality and believed all those lies and thought I would be rewarded in the end for just believing the tales that I was told.

I definitely had very happy times. I felt like I discovered my purpose, the truth about the world which most people lacked. I had close friends, intellectual stimulation, music, interesting adventures (like going to the kotel for vasikin or waving a chicken over my head!).

There were lots of good times. However, I also had many times when I felt down. I felt restrained, unfulfilled. I couldn’t recognize it at the time, amazingly, but I would often spend my time off making music or art or building stuff, which my mashgiach thought was too much of a distraction. He may have been right, I did miss seder [class~] a few times bc of it, but sometimes the thought of learning gemara all day was horrible. Sometimes the thought of spending my life religiously depressed me… and I couldn’t figure out why. I figured that I should be happy, as I often was - especially at first. After a while I finally and reluctantly accepted the fact that Judaism doesn’t promise happiness. And it shouldn’t, bc it can’t guarantee that.

These days, I’m much happier in general. I don’t know if I feel as amazing as I often felt when I first “flipped out,” but I generally feel happier, less depressed, and - very important - well balanced. I have less cognitive dissonance. I have more opportunities for self-expression. I look back now at my time being frum and can hardly understand what I thought was so unique or fantastic about dancing in a circle or studying ancient texts. It can be fun for a bit, but it needn’t be a way of life… or done in the context of Judaism.

So, like you, I recognize that there were good times, but there were also bad times. And more importantly, it’s just not true. Some people can sacrifice truth for happiness, but many of us cannot. And I’m cool with that. I’m happy with the direction I’ve gone.

Hope that helps. Cheers =]

JAOAJ-Awkward Hugs - Part II

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Jewish American Or American Jew?: Awkward Hugs

Anonymous asked: I just found your Confessions of a Would Be Apathetic Backslider article and I found it very heartfelt and in most ways very relatable to where I am now (except I'm not officially OTD yet, I no longer believe, yet I still wish it would all be true). Can I ask when you made the jump to realizing you were Agnostic, was it while you were still partially religious, was it kind of a gradual realization change? When/how did you shift from saying "I believe but I don't want to" to "I don't believe"?

Hey anon,
Glad you liked the essay (x). It was a very long process, a few years, till I got to where I am now. It began by realizing I had serious questions about judaism: I couldn’t make sense of some of the beliefs, and after studying evolution for a few years - and realizing that, in actuality, it makes perfect sense - I started to question my rabbis. “Maybe they aren’t as smart and informed as I thought. Maybe they’re wrong about other things too!” I also had studied christianity for a while - to disprove it - and I think that helped me to think more clearly about what constitutes proof. I heard lots of christians say things like “I felt jesus in my heart”, which helped me to realize that just as it’s not a proof for them, it’s not a proof for judaism or any other religion either. I was also often unhappy with my life. I was totally prepared to be religious, despite feeling restrained and unfulfilled, but once I started to question, it definitely was part of a motivation to get to the truth. Afterall, if I’m going to be religious and unhappy, I gotta make sure that it’s actually true.
So began a long process of becoming less fundamentalist, of researching issues, of questioning more, of accepting the serious problems with judaism, from how we know it’s true to the often horrific ideas it espouses. So I became an agnostic jew. I had serious doubts, but still kept some parts of the religion. Last year I decided it was finally time to face the ultimate question: How do I even know if there’s a god? It was a difficult time, but as you can see, I finally made it to where I am now, and am so happy that I did!
Hope that helps. Cheers!

Anonymous asked: Did you feel sexually repressed when you were frum? If so please explain how.

Was I sexually repressed? Is this even a question?!

1) I wasn’t allowed to masturbate. How the hell can you tell a teenager not to masturbate?!

2) Since I obviously couldn’t keep this commandment, I had a huge sense of guilt about it. I remember many tearful prayers, even burning my porn once or twice - all bc of a completely natural and healthy habit which was sorta condemned by an ancient book.

3) I was taught that I’m not even allowed to “admire” a woman’s pinky. While there’s what to say about not objectifying a woman (and I’m not sure that Judaism is so good about that. e.g. weddings are basically property sales), this is quite extreme. It’s a denial of natural, important, and strong instinct.

4) And of course, I wasn’t allowed to even touch a woman casually. I remember that on those rare occasions where, for instance, a cashier might place the change directly into my hand, touching my palm for a brief second, that it was like “cheating” and something of a delight. Needless to say, that’s insane.

5) Even one’s attitude toward one’s own body is messed up. You’re not even allowed to see yourself naked. You’re supposed to get dressed under the covers! Or to cite a talmudic example I saw someone quote the other day:

“in the case of a man, the hand that reaches below the navel should be chopped off.”

Challenge: ‘If a thorn stuck in his belly, should he not remove it’?

‘No’, he replied.

‘But [they said] wouldn’t his belly be split’?

‘It is preferable’, he replied, ‘that his belly shall be split rather than that he should go down to the pit of destruction’. [i.e. hell]

 - Niddah 13b

Soooo, yeah, lots of sexual repression and unhealthy attitudes toward sexuality and one’s own body.

Anonymous asked: I been following your tumblr for a while now, and I have to say you rock!

Thanks anon!

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